Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Good Vibrations?

I understand having the ability to put your phone on vibrate. It makes sense. It's a subtle way to get your attention. But when they came out with vibrating razors, I was perplexed. And a little turned on. I mean, you could go to Target, get some Listerine and laundry soap, maybe a new DVD, and a sex toy new razor. And who would know the difference, right?

Or as SF Gate writer Mark Morford observed so long ago in his hilarious article, "Another Hard, Hot Pink Shave":

"You can use it in the shower. You can use it in the bathtub. You can use it on your armpits, though they don't talk much about that in the marketing copy because it's not very sexy and most people don't masturbate anywhere near their armpits, so far as you know."

"...And do note, won't you, how the vibrating portion on the men's M3 razor is actually where you'd expect it to be -- in the tip, nearest the blades. Not so in the Vibrance. For the women, Gillette kindly put the vibrator in the opposite end, in the smooth, engorged, rounded handle base. Gosh, you could even leave the blades off entirely and still use the vibrating handle! Isn't that thoughtful of them? Isn't that moist and juicy? Do you want them to smack you over the head with the obviousness of it all?"

Click here for the entire article.

But then we get to the inexplicable: Vibrating mascara. Have you seen it yet? Or tried it?

Lancome has come out with its Oscillating Powermascara (yes, one word, because it's supercalifragilistic) with 7,000 oscillations per minute. And it coats every lash up to 360 degrees. Which means from 0-360 degrees. And it requires batteries.

And you have to hold the button down while your are applying the mascara which, if nothing else, will help you to work on your manual dexterity.

Estee Lauder has TurboLash All-Effects Motion Mascara. It's like IMAX for lashes. Or maybe NASCAR. Something with all caps. And it practically puts itself on for you.

I can understand the vibrating phone and the vibrating razor (well, not really). But vibrating mascara? All I keep thinking is, somebody's going to put an eye out.


Greta said...

My mascara vibrates too but usually after three cups of coffee and half a pack of cigarettes.

Anyways...so...do they sell that razor at Target?

hello gorgeous said...

I love you.

Raina Cox said...

A vibrating lipstick would be even better. It's more compact and discreet.

And the MAC tube already looks like...never mind.

Decorina said...

OK, they have already managed to stuff up to five blades into a razor as a way to make more money, but a vibrator? Oh please.

And, what Greta said. Though to be fair I haven't worn mascara in over 10 years.

please sir said...

I have not tried that mascara, but yeah I'm curious about it. I do make a back and forth motion when putting it on...does that count?

Anonymous said...

At least I could discreetly carry a razor in my suitcase.

David said...

I bought the men's vibrating razor, used it once, and never turned it on again. It's supposed to help you get a closer shave I guess, but I didn't notice any difference.

The mascara sounds perfect for those gals who like there eye makeup ala Tammy Faye.

Jill said...

What if your hands are soapy and it slips? razor + vibration does not = masturbation. Maybe female circumsion.

Pam Kersting said...

I just keep hearing these words ... "It'll poke your eye out, kid."

The Nerdy Fashionista said...

my brain went where Jill's did... OUCH!

The City Sage said...

Oh my goodness. Very subtle, Gilette! Reminds me of the section in walgreens for 'personal massagers'. and there's always a photo on the package of a woman looking EXTREMELY peaceful...

Saw your comment on raina's blog about grey paint---I'm a big fan of windham by pratt and lambert. you can see a pic here:


Carla said...

I guess mankind will end up one day doing absolutely nothing. If we can;t make the movement to shave then we are really in trouble. Carla

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