Tuesday, October 28, 2008

12 Things I Hate.


First off, I would like to say that I do not hate easily. I do not hold grudges (probably as a result of a very long college-grudge-holding incident) and I do not really hate much of anything. Even for my occasional frequent bitchiness, I am a glass-half-full kinda gal. (Gal? Aren't'cha [I have no frickin' idea how to punctuate that mess] just thinkin' about Mavericks right now? Heh.)

Anyway, in the spirit of fairness to my last post (and I am nothing if not fair), my list of things I hate (or dislike greatly):

1) Gum crackers. If you are cracking your gum standing behind me in line at the grocery store, there's a good chance I will "accidentally" back my cart into you.

2) Cars with hyper bass. I have no idea what you call that soul-invading amplification, but I keep cutlery in the car for just such an occasion. Okay, not really, but there's a good chance I will "accidentally" back my car into you.

3) The Notebook. I don't care if you loved it. I hated it. I was rolling my eyes at the end when everybody was crying. Who didn't see that ending coming in the first scene in the movie?

4) Man Jewelry. If you are a guy, I don't want to see a bracelet on you unless it's on your ankle from jail. (Wedding rings are excluded from the hate.)

5) When people say "ironically" when they mean "coincidentally." Truthfully, this should probably be much further down on the list. (It also includes people who say "Ying and Yang." Still further down the list.)

6) All kinds of people, starting with: People who don't push the grocery cart back. You just walked through a mile of aisles to get your groceries and you are so exhausted you cannot walk another 20 feet to push your cart back?

7) People who throw litter out their car windows. I once followed a handicapped car with a guy driving who threw an entire bag of McDonald's out his window. At the stoplight I harrassed him about littering and he started screaming at me, "Fuck you, asshole!" and flipped me off until I was no longer in sight. Yeah.

8) People who say Foy-ay instead of foyer. Unless you are French, I want you to repeat after me: FOY-ER. Thanks.

9) People who make a fake phone with their hand when they are recreating their phone call to someone.

10) When my dog does not own up to her farts. She never does.

11) The smell of wet peanut butter. My daughter says it smells the same as peanut butter. No. It doesn't. It smells like sick (I almost couldn't write that). I can't clean out the peanut butter jar for recycling for that reason.

12) People who are not handicapped who park in the handicapped space. You are a loser and I will narc on you like nobody's business.

Ahhh, that felt good. Your turn.

12 comments:

Andi said...

Love it ;-) I will have to work up from "dislike" to hate....

Sizzle said...

These are fantastic. I laughed the fake phone call one, then the dog farts. I especially agree about the wet peanut butter (GAG).

I love that you yelled at the litterer. I feel this way about people who smoke and then toss their STILL LIT cigarette out the car window or on the street as they are walking. Put that fucker out! Or better yet, quit smoking.

erin@designcrisis said...

1) I also hate the bass. Ghetto blasting by my house at 8 am is uncool, because my lazy ass is still asleep. That segues nicely into number 2:

2) Mornings. Mornings are stupid. (Unless it's Saturday nookie morning. There. I said it.)

3) Leaves. My cat is like a feline Swiffer and tracks them into my otherwise clean home INCESSANTLY. I really hate leaves.

4) Bad grammar. "Ying and yang" is a classic example. Incorrect apostrophe usage is also annoying.

5) Putting up my laundry. My closet is tiny. How does anyone expect me to fit the wardrobe of a thrift store fashion queen into such a minuscule space? It's making me break into a sweat just thinking about it.

For the rest, I will defer to your already very comprehensive list.

Raina said...

Ok, this is a request my cranky self can get behind.

1. Tiffany (kidding).
2. "Pacific" for "specific" and "supposably."
3. Kiwi social autism.
4. Hair color not found in nature. Burgundy and caramel top the list.
5. Tailgaters. In traffic, I mean. I have no issue with football fans.
6. Middle-aged white people who wear their pants/jeans too short. What's with that?
7. Eclectic interiors.
8. Wine snobs.
9. Bumper stickers. I don't care what you think.
10. Goth anything.
11. Seafood.
12. Rachel Ray.

David said...

I'd like to comment, but I've been out for belated birthday drinks with my best bud. Here's something I hate: Hangovers.

The Nerdy Fashionista said...

here is a Very Special NYC Edition: there is an ungodly shitload of things to be annoyed at other people about in NYC.

1. Douchebags who step into a subway car and then stop dead. These people often transition directly into

2. Douchebags who stand in the doorways of subway cars, thus forcing everyone else to enter and exit the train at 50% efficiency and speed. These people I try to throw my shoulder at as I walk past, unless they look like they might beat me up.

3. Douchebags who push their way onto the subway car before people have even finished exiting, because they're so fucking desperate to--honestly I don't even KNOW what they're trying to accomplish. These people I ALSO like to throw my shoulder at.

4. Douchebags who walk to the bottom of a train platform staircase and stop in front of it. They are the evil twins of

5. Douchebags who block the entrance of the train station because they've suddenly become engaged in a pressing phone call, but are going to resume walking down the subway stairs at some point within the next 20 minutes, so why on earth would they move out of the way?

6. Tourists on Canal Street. Canal Street is a cesspool of cheap knockoff bags, fake Rolexes, acrylic scarves, and miscellaneous other shit, ALL of which has one thing in common: it is garbage. Nothing anybody should ever, ever for any reason want to buy is sold by the street vendors on Canal Street. And yet every time I have to walk there, the sidewalks are so clogged with people poring over this awful junk that I can barely move, and I often find myself risking bodily injury by dodging into the actual street just to move forward a few feet.

I could keep going for a frightening amount of comment space, but I think I better stop before I reveal myself to be a complete irredeemable crank from hell.

Raina--SEAFOOD?

Raina said...

NerF, it sounds like the subway was shitter today. Or most everyday.

And I don't like seafood in any way, shape, or form. Don't try to sneak it into anything you serve me. My tastebuds will revolt.

hello gorgeous said...

This was more fun than the happy one. Thanks for your contributions! Andi, I'm still waiting... :-)

So, Raina, I guess the big sushi bash I was planning for your birthday is out?

Erin - Mornings. Ugh. Mine is overhead lighting in the morning. At my house, low lighting is required or else I just wear my sunglasses. And, yeah, nookie is much better than an alarm clock.

Sizzle, thank you on the wet p.b. I showed that to my daughter to prove I am not alone. Solidarity, sistah.

TNF - I love people who are driving and pull into a parking lot or drive and I'm behind them and they decide to stop before actually moving forward into the property so I am right in oncoming traffic. Who knew there were so many things to hate?

David - Gatorade (and I've read Pedialyte works great).

Stephanie said...

Ha ha. Yours made me laugh - here's mine:
1. Canned frosting
2. Anything having to do with the DMV
3. Fake hugs
4. Nude pantyhose with open-toe shoes. Ugh. Even more minus points if someone is wearing an ankle bracelet under said hosiery.
5. Airport delays.

June said...

8) Also people who say "leis-ay" instead of leisure.

Anonymous said...

"Foyer" is a French word. There's no disgrace in pronouncing it that way. You don't pronounce "entree" as "N-tree," or "hors d'oeuvres" as "whores doh-oov-rees."

(And I read the "dog not owning up to its farts" thing in another blog.)

hello gorgeous said...

Actually, it means or originally meant something different, like fireplace, in French. And in French it's pronounced foi-ay, not foy-ay. And it's my hate list, so...

The dog farting thing is not an original thought, by anybody, so what to say?

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